Begin

My phone vibrated on the desk and lit up with some junk I never unsubscribed to. I swiped it away and noticed the time. Just a little before 3am. I don't usually stay up that late.

I knew I was tired. I kept rubbing my face, yawning, and I remember how dry my eyes and mouth felt. I grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge. One of those glass ones. It was sweating and I always pay attention to how I'm holding it so it doesn't slip out of my hand. Multiple times a day the memory of a friend spilling water on his computer flashes across my mind. I don't think he knows how much I think about that.

I didn't sleep well. It was one of those days where I crashed far too early, and woke up around 11pm. My mind was racing, but only because I was eager to keep working on this site. I knew I was almost done and just needed to wrap up some finishing touches. I crawled out of bed and into the computer chair and started chipping away. Site dev is a lot more work than I expected.

You know those "count how many jelly beans are in the jar" type of activities they have at parties? Or whatever it is they usually put inside them. I think about those a lot. Not that I'm any good at them, nor do I care to be. But I oftentimes like to think about how possible it is to quantify or categorize how many and what type of thoughts you have throughout the day.

For me, my interests lie more in game dev. Most of my daily thought is consumed by what I'm working on: what mechanics or features I currently have on my plate, what assets I need to finish or start, if there are any architecture changes I need to consider - all that type of noise. I wonder what the majority color would be in that jar of jelly beans.

But I love it. Far too often I sit down to work on a project and lose track of time, forget to eat, or get annoyed that I have to piss. I've had to adjust the lighting in my room because I've caught myself looking at the screen for so long my peripheral plays tricks and I catch glances of things moving in the hallway. I thought some cat had found their way into my home and was sneaking into my room. Turns out I was just trippin. I just needed to turn a lamp on.

Over the past few weeks however, there's been this thought that keeps popping up. It's felt like how an urchin clings to a rock or something. I just had to look up if urchins actually cling to rocks and I watched a youtube short of some dude scuba diving and collecting urchins into a net. 'phantomace411' comments: "Me but my mom woin't let me." I thought that was really funny.

But I kept having this thought that I needed to make some kind of blog or something. I would be brushing my teeth, chopping garlic, getting arby's drive-thru, and this idea would pop up just for me to dismiss it.

Eventually I noticed how long it had been happening. Realizing I'd immediately come up with a thousand logical reasons as to why I didn't need a site. Eventually I thought, why not? I'd love to admit that I made this for a "portfolio" or some professional reason, but I think that would be only a half-truth. I just wanted a place to occasionally spit some ideas or work out a thought process. It's fortunate that this site will also double as a great place where I can organize my thoughts, explain what I'm working on, and capture progress along the way.

I'm looking forward to this. I picture myself sitting in a recliner at the furniture store knowing with 100% certainty I have no intention of buying, forcefully rocking my weight to feel the quality and rigidity, and telling the salesman "I think this'll work nicely".